Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
