I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
