You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
