Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
