I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
