I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He shit in the fireplace
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
