I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
