i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
