Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
