I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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