New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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