Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
