At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
