I could make wine with my vomit
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
