I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
