i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
