I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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