so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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