It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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