he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
