so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
