I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
