3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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