I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I cockslap morals
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
