Tell her she can't have a vagina
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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