dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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