Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
