idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
