Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
