I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
