btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
