Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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