lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
