im six kinds of drunk right now
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize