Pappa wants mamma naked
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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