Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
send nudes
from the living room?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
