He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
