You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
