Im at strip club and am horny
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
