that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
