I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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