speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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