Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
His hands were made for my vagina.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
