Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
not ubering you a puppy
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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