Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize