Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
