She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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