I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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