in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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