does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
