Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
