mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize