would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
