found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This is my gift to your gina
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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