I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
