some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
