i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think weed is turning my hair brown
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
